How to Make a Self-Examination of Sin
When a leech wants to snack on your leg, it secretes a local anesthetic so you do not become aware of its bite. This way, the leech can remain undetected and keep leeching. Leeches are horrible critters; I only bring them up as an analogy—sin is the same way.
When we commit a sin, we harden the very portion of our hearts that would have been sensitive to that sin. Thus, sinfulness in our lives can remain undetected over time, like a leech. Once you have swum in a muddy lake, when you are showering off, it is helpful to examine yourself for leeches, and if you find one, to pull it off (and to try not to shriek!). Likewise, in the Christian life, it is helpful to examine yourself.
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Daily Examen
Self-examination can take two forms: a daily “Examen” and a more thorough seasonal examination. We can, of course, exercise these in tandem.
Daily Examen is a spiritual practice that was codified and developed chiefly in the Jesuit tradition but, in recent decades, has spilled over and morphed into an ecumenical practice. The practice is pretty straightforward: Somewhere towards the end of the day, take 10 minutes and prayerfully look back on what you did and thought, and bring your day into the light of Christ. Traditionally, the two categories of investigation are “consolations” and “desolations”—inner spiritual experiences that accompanied the acts of the day—that can both be listened to as guidance from God the Holy Spirit. Specific questions can help break open the hard ground of memory; therefore, we can utilize various Examens. The St. Bernard Breviary (which I edited) includes one that looks like this.
Seasonal Self-Examination
A daily Examen is like a daily act of hygiene such as brushing teeth. Similarly, a seasonal self-examination is like an annual dentist visit, where X-rays are taken, and our gums are prodded by a professionally trained eye. (If this doesn’t sound entirely pleasant, neither is seasonal self-examination). For this, we need more than our own conscience and memory to investigate the health of our souls. We should rely upon an external list of sins in the same way as a physician’s checklist. Such lists are staple parts in most anglo-catholic devotional books for use in preparation for making a confession to a priest.
Auricular confession (as it is called) doesn’t have to be a part of seasonal examination, but it is a beneficial part for several reasons:
- One, you can schedule it with your priest, and therefore, you should hold yourself to making the examination ahead of time rather than endlessly deferring the task.
- Two, it holds out the blessing of receiving the Gospel afresh in the words of absolution pronounced by the priest, which are a great balm to a soul weighed down with new knowledge of one’s own sinfulness.
My Experience of Examination and Confession
That’s how it has worked for me. At least once, if not twice a year, I schedule an appointment with a priest I trust to make a confession.
A couple of days before the appointment, I pull out this self-examination with the 10 commandments (a digested synthesis of many other such lists found in the old devotional manuals and also included in the St. Bernard Breviary), and I prayerfully, with a piece of paper and a pen in hand, go through the questions one by one, asking the Lord in prayer to shine a light on my memory. Almost every time, the process is the same—I get through a few dozen questions with a lot of “No, actually, I haven’t done that” (which, by the way, is an opportunity to thank God for what he has rescued you from, not an occasion for any pride), and then I come to a question where a bunch of memories come to mind.
Because of the way sin warps our moral sensitivities (remember the leech with his anesthetic), I often am not entirely sure if the memories that come to mind even are sins, but I write them down nonetheless. I work through the whole list every time. Then I go to make confession, and I share, “You know, these things came to mind, but I’m not sure if they are sins?” And, after I describe them, three times out of four, my confessor replies, with fatherly gravity, “Yes, those are definitely sins, most in need of confessing.” And, like St. Paul, once Ananias prayed for him, the scales fell off, and I can finally see my own actions in the light of God.
And with the same disgust as discovering leeches on my leg, my heart longs to be free of them. I pray to God for forgiveness. The priest absolves me with those ancient, comforting words of absolution, and like Pilgrim, my burden falls off. The knowledge of God’s mercy refreshes me, and I gain a Spirit-given resolve to flee from such sins in the future.
But if I hadn’t taken the time to conduct a thorough self-examination, I would have had none of this experience of the Gospel, and the leech of my sins would still be draining me of my lifeblood. That’s why self-examination is such a spiritually healthful practice and why I included the linked resources in the St. Bernard Breviary.
Resources for self-examination from the St. Bernard Breviary
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash.
A Self-Examination of Sin with the 10 Commandments
Try to be as practical as possible in making your list of sins in preparation for confession. Think concretely. Think about what several sins may have been involved in a single act. Be sure to distinguish proclivities and temptations to sin from actual acts of sin (acts that may be mental or physical). If there is ambiguity, feel free…
Today in the Spirit: Lent 2B
Lent is a season of self-examination and allowing God to speak honestly into our hearts about the quality of our discipleship, corporate and individual. With the readings assigned for this particular Sunday, Lent 2B, we could assign the title for the week, “Even unto Death.” The theme of death and dying appears in every selection….
