The Wedding, Anglican Style
At an Anglican wedding, almost everyone can leave happy.
Here are a few areas by which our weddings differ (or should) from your typical American wedding. Other areas are included because of contemporary relevance. I offer this in the hope of explaining what we do; I also persuade people to see that the reasons behind what we do or do not do are related to important Christian understandings of the Church and marriage.
First: The Wedding as Communion
The setting and occasion are worship. Jesus Christ himself is present. People are praying and singing together. A man and woman are united in Holy Matrimony. The service is not only a wedding, and the Communion, singing, and praying are not merely ornamental to the wedding. The wedding is taking place as part of worship. It is a holy moment.
This is why we do not simply give communion to the bride and groom. The communion table is the table of the Lord. It is never a private meal or an individual meal. It is always a holy meal shared by all baptized believers. To make communion private, to only serve the bride and groom, is to imply that the Lord’s table is our table when it is our table; it is God’s table, and he calls all of his children to it.
Because the wedding is a gathering of worshippers, in the church, it is also a time for married couples to reflect on the sacrament of marriage, and to be renewed. Private communion, at its worst, implies, unintentionally, that the communion is a mere ornament or sentimental moment for the bride and groom. They are however joining the community as a married couple, for the first time. They are not doing this privately; they are sharing the communion of the Lord.
Second: Distinct Persons, One Union
Christian marriage unites two distinct persons in a union. It does not extinguish the personality of the man or woman. They remain distinct as persons. Instead, they are mystically united so that the two become one. The husband and wife are still two; the two are also one. The Lord Jesus says,
But from the beginning of creation, โGod made them male and female.โ โTherefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.โ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.โ
Mark 10.6-9
This might sound like splitting hairs, but it is not. It is not because we can see the damage when a person loses him or herself to another, even their spouse. The bride and groom must leave the service with the assurance that God has united them without destroying their personalities.
Third: Vows Must Originate from the Prayer Book
We must use the vows in the prayer book. When a couple marries, they are entering into Holy Matrimony. The institution of marriage already existed before they were called to it. They cannot make it up as they go along. It is highly personal, but it is also historic and sacramental. Writing one’s vows implies that you are entering into a contract of their creation. Taking “the vows” teaches that you enter into a holy, sacred relationship God makes for you. Be this as it may, it might be a great thing to write personal promises or expressions to each other and to read those at the reception. The personal aspect is so important, that it cannot overshadow the moment of the vows. They must be said from the heart but must bind the bride and groom to marriage itself, as much as to each other personally.
Fourth: Rings, a Sign of Matrimony
They are sacred objects blessed in the ceremony and serve as sacred signs of marriage. This is not that controversial nowadays, but it was a few hundred years ago. The main idea here is that the rings remind us of our vows and they seal those vows upon us. We carry this sign upon us daily; with the right intention, the rings help us keep those vows.
Fifth: A Sacrament Only for Man & Woman
It is the complementary nature of the genders that makes marriage possible. If we married two men, we would be implying, or saying, that marriage is simply two people who love each other, though we are not saying that. Christian marriage is for a man and woman who love each other, so changing that understanding is to change it for everyone. In other words, the unique bond between a man and a woman becomes equated with other possible relationships.
This has nothing to do with civil rights or equality for gay Americans. It is simply impossible to call marriage anything but a man and a woman uniting in a lifelong union. This is a unique relationship that is only possible between a man and a woman. As such, we are supporting the raising of children, in this context, by their mother and father. This all flows from the singular complementarity of the genders.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
Genesis 2.27
Conclusion
In conclusion, let the reader consider the following collect, For A Marriage or Anniversary:
O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in is represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his Church: Send your blessing upon these yours servants [as they begin another year], that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
BCP 2019, pg. 667
Photo by Beatriz Pรฉrez Moya on Unsplash